The Calm After the Storm
by JazzSweetie206
Summary: There hadn't been an all-out battle like he'd expected. She hadn't screamed at him, she hadn't cried. My take on how Kate could find out about Rick's secret. SPOILERS through "47 Seconds" Rated T for mild language. one-shot.


**First time posting a piece of fanfiction, I hope you enjoy it! I proofread, but nobody is perfect so any and all mistakes are mine. **

**SPOILERS up through 47 Seconds, beyond that it's just speculation, and by speculation I mean what I can only wish would happen.**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC**

There hadn't been an all-out battle like he'd expected. She hadn't screamed at him for being a hypocritical son of a bitch for freezing her out because of her "secret" while simultaneously harboring one of his own. She hadn't run out the door with the promise of never returning. She hadn't shoved him against a wall and berated him for pulling her away from this case while secretly diving in head first behind her back. She hadn't cried.

He could have handled any of those reactions, but not this. He didn't know what to do when she looked at his murder board with a poker face so rehearsed even he couldn't read what it hid. He tried to rush to an explanation, fumbling over the words. He tried to explain the mystery man and his concern for her safety, and the longer he rambled the more frantic he became. But no number of voice cracks broke her, she remained stoic until he finally fell silent. He didn't know what to do when she turned the board off, walked through his office, through his bedroom, into his bathroom, and closed the door without so much as a word or a glance back.

At first it threw him because she had never so much as seen the inside of his bedroom and she had just walked in as if she belonged there. He wasn't upset, quite the contrary, it was all just moving so fast and everything was so delicate, that he knew one misstep and everything they had built could come crashing down. One wrong word could shatter all they had worked for.

She had been in the bathroom for twenty minutes, twenty minutes without a sound and with every swing of the clock's pendulum his anxiety built. Perhaps it was the late hour, or the stress of the day, but he couldn't help but feel the slow freezing tendrils of defeat taking up residence in the space of his heart that had been set ablaze barely a few hours before.

They had both been at the precinct after closing yet another case when she snapped. She had finally deciphered his bitter comments and cold behavior and figured out just what had happened _that_ day during _that_ interrogation.

_"I was bleeding out, Rick."_

_Kate's voice cracked as she practically screamed in the middle of the precinct, stopping him dead in his tracks as he headed for the elevator to leave._

_"I was dieing and you told me you loved me, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital my boyfriend by my side."_

_She had had enough of his bullshit and was done tiptoeing around, waiting for him to "have a minute" to talk in private. When he turned around her eyes had a fire in them he had never seen before, like she was ready for a battle she just had to win._

_"At first I thought for sure it had been a dream,"_

_Her voice softened as she walked closer to him. Her eyes slipped to the floor only briefly, but long enough to bring her vulnerability front and center._

_"...that it was just something my subconscious cooked up because at that very moment I wanted nothing more than to look down and see your hand not Josh's and that scared me. It wasn't until after I told you I didn't remember and saw your reaction that I realized it must have happened for real, but by then had myself so convinced that it couldn't be possible that I just knew it had to have been a death bed confession and nothing more."_

_"Beckett-Kate, I"_

_"No, let me finish. It didn't take long for me to figure out that while I cared for Josh I didn't love him and I ended things. But I was still reeling from the shooting and my mom's case and couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth because if it did turn out to be a death bed situation I don't think I could have survived it. After we talked on the swings I wanted to tell you that I had lied, that I knew and I wanted to say it back but by that point I was afraid you'd never forgive me and you would have been completely justified. I had finally accepted that I loved you but I wasn't ready to say it and-even over the next few months-until I was ready to say it back I was afraid no other explanation would be enough to keep you from leaving. Between the therapy and Lanie and my Dad I was so close Rick, I AM so close and now I really screwed up and-"_

_Before she could continue he had her wrapped in his arms, one holding her body to his the other cradling the back of her head into his shoulder. He buried his face against her neck and had to fight the tears that he so desperately wanted to shed. He had been such an idiot. _

_The moments that followed were filled with "I'm so sorry's" and "could you ever forgive me's." They clung to each other and when he finally pulled back to look at her face there were tears in her eyes. He gently tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear before gently cupping her cheeks and wiping away the stray tears before finally, gently, lowering his lips to hers. _

_The kiss was short and sweet and as they were still at the 12th, wildly inappropriate. When the spell was broken by a discrete cough from Ryan the pair gathered their things and left, together, for the first time in weeks. They got to Castle's empty loft-Martha an Alexis were away for the weekend-so they ordered take-out and spent the evening eating and watching old movies while cuddled up on the couch. After dinner he had changed into pajamas and had given her a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt to borrow. They were too big and dwarfed her 5' 9" frame but as far as he was concerned she had never looked more beautiful. _

_It was well after midnight when "The Thin Man" ended and Rick turned off the television. Kate had been laying in front of him on the couch and she turned to face him, placing her free hand on his cheek kissing him gently._

_"Thank you" she whispered after pulling away._

_"What for?"_

_"For being you. For having your heart. For giving me a chance to make things right. I know there is still a lot to talk about, and I still owe you so much but I promise you Rick, I will do whatever it takes to regain your trust. No more secrets." _

_It felt like a sucker punch. The room began to spin and his heart started pounding because he realized that she hadn't been the only one hiding something. He knew what was at stake, but he couldn't look into her eyes and start something with this other secret still hanging in the air. He wanted this, wanted HER more than anything, but he wanted to do it right. He didn't want a relationship built upon a lie. Knowing what would happen made his stomach churn but he knew what he had to do. _

Rick was jolted back to reality by the sound of an opening door. Heart in his throat he looked up, her eyes meeting his for the first time since he turned on his makeshift murder board, and unlike before, now every emotion was pouring out of them. There was hurt, pain and sorrow, disbelief and even a hint of anger, but most of all there was the something he never would have expected, understanding, acceptance, and dare he say love.

"Rick it's late. I'm not running, but talking about this now, after everything, would only lead to another fight that I'm not ready to have yet."

"Kate I'm so-"

She raises her hand, effectively cutting him off for the second time that day.

"Ok." He sighs, knowing he isn't going to win this one. Knowing, also, that once she leaves she could come to her senses and never come back. "You're right, it's late, you're exhausted, you should just stay here. The guest room is-"

She meets his eyes effectively stealing the words before he can finish. Holding his gaze she sighs, trying to convey everything she cannot say with a simple look. She walks over to his king-sized bed, pulls back the blankets, and crawls in. She breaks eye contact and turns off the bedside lamp, lays down and closes her eyes. Rick finally got his paralyzed body to respond and followed her lead crawling into the other side. She was laying on her back so he did the same, leaving space between them, tension still think in the air. When she rolls onto her left side putting her back to him he involuntarily released an audible sigh of defeat. He was losing her and he felt his heart break all over again.

"Rick?" her voice barely over a whisper

"Hm?"

She didn't respond. After an endless moment she turned her head and reached her arm backwards to grab his right hand off of his stomach. She pulled it, encouraging him to cross onto her half of the bed and wrapped it around her body so he was spooning her. Keeping hold of his hand she wrapped her arm around his and let their hands rest over her heart, over the still unseen scar that almost took her away from him, the scar that threatened to tear them apart. She took a deep breath when she felt his nose at the base of her neck and he felt her heartbeat begin to slow.

"I'm still angry" still barely more than a whisper.

"I know."

"But I understand why."

A long moment passed and nothing was said. He didn't want to push too hard but leaving everything to intense looks and small actions is what had caused all of this in the first place, it was time to put all the cards down, time to use words.

"I love you, Kate."

She sighed and brought his hand to her lips.

"I know."

Neither knew what the morning would bring. There were discussions to have, arguments to settle, and decisions to make. It would not be easy, both were still hurt and the wounds were still raw. All that they both knew is that they were willing to do whatever it took to make this work.

"I love you too."

**I have published news articles, written blogs, and worked in live television without breaking a sweat, but the thought of sharing anything like this is terrifying. I welcome any and all constructive criticism as this is the first time I've shared a piece of creative writing since high school. **

**Thanks so much for reading :) I hope it put a smile on your face before the next episode, which I have a feeling will be even more painful to watch than the last two. **


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